Is it a full moon? Something is going on that is causing me to feel very off this week. I can try to explain without meaning to come off pitiful, cranky or frustrated because honestly, I don’t feel like those things at all.
I think it actually started last week but this week it’s worse. I am tired all the time, stressed and my headaches are coming back. Work’s busy season hit early, my dog had surgery… I feel like I am going full speed in slow motion. The past few weeks I have been grilling more dinners instead of eating out every night ( but I miss going out ). I’ve really cleaned up my diet by doing so cutting back on the carbs mainly. My eating habits had slacked a bit to probably a 60/40 healthy/crap food ratio. But now I have it back to what I feel is 80/20 which works well for me. I have been focusing on my yoga and core exercises daily. I am even adding my weights back in a few times a week. And yet with all this, I feel good in the morning for a brief moment and fat, flabby and restless the rest of the day. The scale still shows the ten pound weight gain that I happened over the winter. That number has not gotten higher but I just feel so heavy. I have a tummy. I have come to terms with the fact that I probably always will ( my mom was the same way ). However, each day I look down and I think it’s getting bigger and saggier. Yet, my clothes still fit fine.
I know this is all in my head. The demons that ran my life four years ago are trying to push back through. They need to shut the hell up. I am pretty sure some of this is allergy related, getting older or ( I can only hope ) gaining muscle that I just can’t see yet. Because really, it’s not like I am being a total slacker. I am conscious of what I need to do in order to not slide back to bottom again. The only thing different is that I am not running consistently. I love to run but I just don’t feel like running. I don’t have that strong urge to get out there but at the same time, I do want too. Does that make sense? I think that is in part because running relaxes me. But so does yoga. And without yoga, I feel old and stiff. So, cutting that out even for one day a week is not an option. Maybe I am too relaxed and so the slightest disturbance is setting me off? Maybe, I just need to run (insert raised eyebrow and shrugged shoulders here). Maybe I am just being hard on myself for no reason.
So anyway, thanks for listening. I just needed to get this off my chest. I know things will work itself out. I will find my mojo, inner balance and what ever else is out of whack. What I think I need most is to disconnect for a while. Maybe get a good night sleep? A long hiking adventure? Any kind of adventure? A beach day would be nice….
Do you ever feel like this? How do you break through the bullshit and lies that your head is telling you?