The voices in my head are at it again

Is it a full moon? Something is going on that is causing me to feel very off this week. I can try to explain without meaning to come off pitiful, cranky or frustrated because honestly, I don’t feel like those things at all.

I think it actually started last week but this week it’s worse. I am tired all the time, stressed and my headaches are coming back. Work’s busy season hit early, my dog had surgery… I feel like I am going full speed in slow motion. The past few weeks I have been grilling more dinners instead of eating out every night ( but I miss going out ).  I’ve really cleaned up my diet by doing so cutting back on the carbs mainly. My eating habits had slacked a bit to probably a 60/40 healthy/crap food ratio.  But now I have it back to what I feel is 80/20 which works well for me.  I have been focusing on my yoga and core exercises daily. I am even adding my weights back in a few times a week. And yet with all this, I feel good in the morning for a brief moment and fat, flabby and restless the rest of the day. The scale still shows the ten pound weight gain that I happened over the winter.  That number has not gotten higher but I just feel so heavy. I have a tummy. I have come to terms with the fact that I probably always will ( my mom was the same way ). However, each day I look down and I think it’s getting bigger and saggier.  Yet, my clothes still fit fine.

I know this is all in my head. The demons that ran my life four years ago are trying to push back through. They need to shut the hell up. I am pretty sure some of this is allergy related, getting older or ( I can only hope ) gaining muscle that I just can’t see yet. Because really, it’s not like I am being a total slacker. I am conscious of what I need to do in order to not slide back to bottom again.   The only thing different is that I am not running consistently.  I love to run but I just don’t feel like running.  I don’t have that strong urge to get out there but at the same time, I do want too. Does that make sense? I think that is in part because running relaxes me.  But so does yoga. And without yoga, I feel old and stiff.  So, cutting that out  even for one day a week is not an option. Maybe I am too relaxed and so the slightest disturbance is setting me off? Maybe, I just need to run (insert raised eyebrow and shrugged shoulders here).  Maybe I am just being hard on myself for no reason.

So anyway,  thanks for listening. I just needed to get this off my chest. I know things will work itself out.  I will find my mojo, inner balance and what ever else is out of whack. What I think I need most is to disconnect for a while.  Maybe get a good night sleep? A long hiking adventure? Any kind of adventure?  A beach day would be nice….

Do you ever feel like this? How do you break through the bullshit and lies that your head is telling you? 


12 thoughts on “The voices in my head are at it again

    • I am really trying to stay positive and fight this funk. If I don’t, it will last for months.
      Thanks for playing around with the new recipe! I just bought the cabbage and shredded carrot. The picnic is Sunday. So… No pressure! LOL 😉

  1. I totally get what you are going through right now, I have those funks as well. We are our own worst enemies sometimes!
    What I do when that happens is I wallow in self pity for a bit, until I get sick of it. Then I give myself a stern pep talk, telling myself to snap out of it, and listing 5 things I’m proud of. In your case I can think of 5 easily: learning a new pose (love your standing lotus!), reaching a milestone on Instagram (congrats to 700+ followers who are inspired by you and your health journey!), a kick-ass hand-to-big-toe progress photo (I’m deeply in awe of that, can’t do it to save my life), holding long planks (hello 3-minute insanity!), and of course, the floating lotus. So impressive!! You are doing amazingly, getting stronger and gaining lean (heavy) muscle, and that little bit of extra weight will melt off with the summer heat. Hang in there!

    • Thank for the kind words Miriam. It’s great having you in my corner. You are right. I think some summer heat is the remedy too. The temps are beautiful right now (not complaining) but I am ready to not need a sweater if we go out at night. I am over being cold too LOL

  2. nmgolio14 says:

    GIRL I totally feel you! It took me close to a year to accept my post baby body! I worked my behind off before I got pregnant and had finally been REALLY HAPPY with my body. Pregnancy KICKED my bodys butt! While I have reached pre baby weight, my belly will NEVER be the same and I have finally accepted it. I realized my body has done something AMAZING it made me a mom by making #babybigtruck. Do what you can to make yourself feel good about yourself. And speaking of running, I just recently picked that up again and I hope that is going to be the extra umph for myself. I am sure you will get it back! Keep your head up!

    • Hey Nikki! I was just thinking yesterday that we haven’t spoken in so long! Your baby girl is adorable. Things are starting to turn around. I refuse to let his funk get the best of me! May had been a hard month all around for me. I hope June bring brighter days! Good luck with your running! You look great btw 🙂

  3. Aw, sorry to hear you’re in a funk right now but you’re definitely not alone. I’ve been there before too and sometimes it just takes a change of pace or something different in my routine to shake things up and get me back on track!

  4. Mary, you are on the right track in identifying that it is bullshit right from the get-go. I tend struggle a little too long before identifying it. Hope things get better soon.

    And why does your blog hate me? It automatically unsubscribes me periodically. I don’t notice it until I think, “Mary hasn’t posted anything in awhile.” or I see the little “+Follow” link under your name when you comment on my site instead of the “Following.”

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