Approach with Caution: Emotional Woman on Board

    I have been saying since September as a warning to my friends that by the time graduation came around, I would need to be sedated. I knew I would be an emotional wreck as events became “the last”.  There was “the last” football game with the marching band.  “The last” band competition, fall play, thespian trip, spring musical, numerous AP tests, Memorial Day Parade, prom, multiple awards banquets and then finally the last day of school. I did ok at first.  I held back the tears as we walked out on the football field at senior recognition night. I cried a little after each of the spring musical performances.  All the other events I was proud but dry eyed. Then came the last day of school.  Al didn’t have exams so she was finished on Tuesday.  I wrote a little know on a napkin and tucked it into last packed lunch just like I did when she was little.  As soon as she walked out the door, I cried.  And now I can’t seem to make it stop.  I look at sappy Facebook posted from her friends ( who I will also miss a lot )- cry.  Random songs that have no meaning whatsoever- cry. See a random quote- cry.  UGH!
    On top of all this, one of my sisters was diagnosed with BC this week.  I am “fine” with this because I know they caught it early and this is beatable.  However, she’s my sis and I love her. I don’t want to see her deal with treatments. I did not cry when I got the news but it is constantly on my mind.

     Speaking of being on my mind, with great life changes comes crazy ass dreams. For the past couple of weeks, I have had my share of doozies. They range from gangsters (think Capone) killing people I know with guns that shoot ball bearings and making me watch over and over like in Groundhog Day to secret govt agents trying to commit me because they are mistaking my OCD for me thinking I am being followed. But of course NO ONE believes me! In each dream my hair is falling out in clumps (sometimes it’s a horrific sight straight of my a Rob Zombie movie) and last night I shaved it all off to support my sis. In dream annalysis, all of this means loss of power, loss of control and major changes about to happen. I know everything will work out fine. I really am not losing my mind- I swear! I just need to get through graduation next Tuesday then I will be good. Well, until we road trip to New Hampshire at the end of the summer to drop Al off at school. Then we can start a whole new chapter in our lives. 
    When I feel the tears coming, I remind myself to breathe. All moms go through this with the same reaction. My family and friends are there to support me and I love them all for it. Now, someone pass me a tissue…

8 thoughts on “Approach with Caution: Emotional Woman on Board

  1. No, you're not losing your mind, but I'm sure sometimes it feels like it! You're going through a stressful time and I know how troubling the weird dreams can be! I've been thinking about her a lot and praying for her fast treatment and recovery. Ali is such a great kid, you're really going to miss her – you and Dan did a great job raising her, it's the letting go that's the most difficult thing. Any time you need to chat, message me and I'll be there for you! Hang in there!

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